Journal Writing- Take the 30 Day Challenge

A  few months ago a friend gave me a book called" Life Makeover". It sat there for a while because, well, quite frankly I just didn't feel I needed any more "making over" at the time. Then one night, when I had finished my latest novel and had nothing else to read, I opened it up. The first chapter asked me to list 25 accomplishments over the past year. So I did. The next chapter had me writing an affirmation. So I did, The next chapter challenged me to journal for 30 days, every day, So I have been- for almost 3 weeks now.

Now, writing down the things I have accomplished, affirmations and writing in a journal everyday are not new concepts for me. Been there, done that! And it was all very beneficial. So why did I stop? I am not sure- maybe I got a bit lazy, or maybe I had peeled open so many layers that I just needed to absorb it all for a while. At any rate, I can say the writing has really helped me to that next level. 

Over the past few years, November has been a very difficult month for me. I seem more sensitive to the shorter days. But since I started writing since in my journal again, I feel like I have been able to fight those rainy day blues with more ease. And the message that keeps coming into my live is about giving.

Giving is a wonderful way to feel the love you feel may be lacking in your life. Because when you give anything, whether it be a compliment, a meal, your time or a smile, you are giving love. And anyone who is reading this has something to give. The key is to give without any expectation of receiving. To know that someone may need something, but may not know how to give thanks.

So from the time I get up in the morning, I try to think about giving. I give thanks for the warmth on these cold, rainy days. I give thanks for my friends and family. I give the bus driver a big smile and say good morning. I give someone I see a compliment about their clothing and how nice the color looks on them. I give encouragement to my employees who are working so hard. I give hugs when I see someone grieving the loss of a loved one. I send a message to someone who is having a tough time. none of this has cost me anything- not financially, emotionally or otherwise. In fact, I have learned that the love I have been seeking is within me and always has been.

So, I challenge you to write in a journal for 30 days. I find that morning works best, but the choice is yours. Write two to three pages of anything you want to write about. And see if you can't find just a little more space for a makeover- and perhaps more love will find its way to your life.

Unplug, Tune in and Connect!

"Turn on, tune in, drop out" is a catchphrase popularized by writer Tim Leary in the 1960's. Leary later explained what he meant when he coined this phrase:

"Turn on" meant go within to activate your neural and genetic equipment. Become sensitive to the many and various levels of consciousness and the specific triggers that engage them. "Tune in" meant interact harmoniously with the world around you - externalize, materialize, express your new internal perspectives. "Drop out" suggested an active, selective, graceful process of detachment from involuntary or unconscious commitments. "Drop Out" meant self-reliance, a discovery of one's singularity, a commitment to mobility, choice, and change. Unhappily my explanations of this sequence of personal development were often misinterpreted to mean "Get stoned and abandon all constructive activity".

I would like to suggest we need an new catch phrase in this day and age and what comes to mind is "Unplug, tune in and connect". I think this phrase has a lot in common with the words of Tim Leary, but in this case I mean "unplug" in the lateral sense. As in, take your earbuds out! Our sense of hearing is a precious gift, one that some are born without or lose as they age. To consciously attempt to "block" out the world by playing loud and potentially  permanently damaging music suggests a society that has lost its ability to connect, something all human beings need in order to live healthy, fulfilling lives.

Every day I ride transit to work and I would say the majority of the riders, mostly young, are "plugged in" and tuned out. Not only do they not hear the bus driver when he asks them to move to the back of the bus to make room for more people, they don`t to look from their Ipods to see an elderly person may need a seat and they certainly can`t seem to walk without getting in everyone`s way! But what is most sad is that those who are plugged in are missing on a great opportunity to relate to their fellow riders. I was recently in Europe and used public transit to get around. Even in the bigger cities like Paris and Milan I did not see many people with  ear buds. The younger students were all talking with each other. I believe that generally  European culture is more intimate and I know I never have a problem striking up a conversation on a train or bus when I am travelling there. 

But in Vancouver where I live and in many other North American cities, this desire to block out the world seems to be an epidemic. Ironically, a recent survey revealed that one in four Vancouverites feels lonely. Is it our fast paced lifestyle, our need for privacy or just plain laziness that has caused what I think is a tragedy to the development of social skills within our society.

I am not sure of the answer, but what I am sure of is that I treasure the moments of unexpected connection where I can participate in some good old fashioned conversation to remind me that I am not alone.

Only Kindness Matters

This past week the community where I live was rocked by the news of the death of a young teen who took her life after years of bullying. There is no shortage of stories like a hers and I have never quite understood how anyone can treat anyone else in mean or unkind way. 

It did get me to think about how we can make the work a kinder, gentler place and I believe the words of Gandhi speak to how to accomplish this seemingly momentous task- be the change you wish to see in the world. And the most important person we can be kind and gentle to is our self. Noticing our thoughts and when we judge and put ourselves down is a start. Do you "should" on yourself? Can you replace the word "should " with "I'd like to" or " I will try to"?

When we start being kinder and gentle to our self, we unconsciously extend that kindness and gentleness to those around us. You can be the change to a better world where we accept those who are different and learn to forgive their mistakes if you can change your own self talk to something more positive and know you are doing the best you can in this moment.

So next time your thoughts try to pass judgement on yourself or someone else, remember:

Don't should on yourself and don't should on others- and that in the end , only kindness matters.

Dedicated to AT- wherever you rest, may you be receive the love and peace that for some reason this world was unable to give you.

I'm a Yoga Teacher- Update

It's been 3 months since I graduated from my yoga teacher training program. Although I work full time at another job, I did not want to lose the momentum of planning classes and teaching. The part I love is choosing a theme and then finding music and poses to support the message.


So what have I been up to?  I have taught a few Karma classes at my home studio. They are generally small and the students are often beginners. The last class I taught had one student who had a number of different injuries.  I soon realized that some of the poses I had planned were contraindicated for the type of injuries she was dealing with. This is where it was a blessing to have only one student. I had to amend my poses on the fly so to speak, and in turn she learn how to do a much better Downward Dog.  Together we were able to focus on some poses that she could  very well do without being in pain which I think boosted the confidence level for both of us! I have also taught a community class at the local Lulu Lemon and have another planned this coming week-end. 


I also started my own class in my buildings game room with a couple of friends. In just a few moments I will be leading my second class with them and I have a couple of other friends who plan to join us in the fall when their calendars are free.


In August the Whistler Wanderlust Yoga Festival is happening and I will be volunteering one day and enjoying some of the classes the next. Right after that I leave for a vacation to Europe with some friends to do some biking in France, where after a day of riding we will do yoga class by our rental home's pool- lead by moi!


I have applied to be a substitute teacher at one of the recreation centers. Although I did not hear back , I will keep applying. I know it is not easy to break in to have a regular class, but I know if I can take advantage of any opportunity that presents itself, I know I will get where I want to go- one baby step at a time.


Gotta go, I have students waiting

Don't Worry Be Happy

I can't say quite when it happened or exactly what happened, but lately I feel like I finally found that place of peace that had eluded me until now. Oh, I still commute to work everyday, still have a mortgage and bills to pay, still not enough hours in the day to do everything. But I think that is the point. How fortunate that I have enough abundance in my life to own a home and have bills to pay. And isn't it great that my life is so busy and full that I fall into bed  tired but feeling like I accomplished something? That I have the health and energy to make all this happen is something I am grateful for everyday.
The last few months were really difficult for me. I seemed to be removing layer after layer and it was almost too much. Some say it has something to do with the movement of planets or energy or something. I don't know, that is possible. But whatever the cause, I feel like a weight has been lifted. Even my blood pressure returned to normal!
I think it may be due to my ability to let go and not feel like I need to control everything in my life. Oh sure, one has to make plans and all. But I think it's about knowing that sometimes those plans may not turn out quite the way they were expected to. And in those times, sometimes a small treasure of something new can be found- if we let ourselves be open to the possibility. That is the freedom we receive when we learn that life is what happens while we are busy making other plans- right John?

Be Yourself

How often have you heard the phrase "just be yourself?" Have you ever thought about what that really means? I had occasion to do just that this evening after a long talk with my "wiser than his years" son.


I was feeling a bit down this evening- maybe it was because it is supposed to be summer and it was raining like a winter day today, or maybe because I feel like I am not in sync with what my heart is telling me about a couple of situations in my life. At any rate, after the long chat with my son  I had I long chat with myself - in front of the mirror!


Mirror work helps to reflect the feelings we have about ourselves and can help to illustrate the areas that we want to change. It is like giving yourself a lecture, only the person lecturing loves you more than anything else in the world and is the only person who knows what is best for you.


So I looked in the mirror and said " Forgive yourself if you don't know how to move through this situation. Be gentle with yourself if you made a mistake. Don't feel guilty or silly because you are being who you are- daring, spontaneous, fun loving. You are a warm, kind person and if others don't see that it is not your concern or issue. Just be yourself."


To be myself is to be someone who will make mistakes, who will be vulnerable and will sometimes get sad. But it also means to acknowledge that I am genuine, real, strong and brave.


Mirror work is a good way to see where you may feel some resistance to any change you want to make, but is also a good way to affirm those changes and help you see where you are open.


Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who is fairest of them all?

The one looking in the mirror of course!

Honoring the Sun

I live in a part of the world that does not see as much sun as most of  us who live here would like. In fact, we have just come through about three weeks of nothing but rain, clouds and cooler than usual temperatures. To say this has not affected how many of us are feeling would be an understatement, given that in just over a week it will be the summer solstice when the day is at its longest.


In ancient times, the summer solstice was a time for tribal people who lived in northern latitudes to celebrate. The snow had melted, trees and flowers bloomed and food was more plentiful. It was a time for celebration and connection.


Today the sun appeared again and I was able to spend a some time on my deck enjoying the warmth and light. With warmer weather, the modern summer solstice fits in to a mindset of fun and relaxation. But it also makes me think about the sun inside each of us. The ancient yogis believed the sun was a token of our inner light which corresponds to our spiritual heart.


One way to honor the sun is by doing sun salutations. These series of yoga poses bring heat to the body, get the circulation flowing and take your body through a full range of motion. Because the movements match your inhalations and exhalations, you connect to the rhythm of your breath and develop your inner focus. Each sun salutation begins and ends with hands in prayer position in front of the heart. This is to acknowledge your own inner sun- your heart, also known as your higher seat of wisdom.


So now that summer is here- soak up the sun with your 45 on and rock on!


 

Remember who you are

There is a great quote by Marianne Williamson that goes "Our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our biggest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure..." There's more to this quote, but the idea is that somehow we lost the ability to shine our light. And her message is, we are not doing anyone any favors when we hide our light- not ourselves and not those around us.


So why then is it so difficult for us to feel comfortable in our brilliance, why are we afraid of our power, our magnificence and our wisdom. 


To be honest, I don't have the answer. I have some ideas, but I think the reasons are many and complicated. But in the end, does it matter? If we know this to be true, that we have been living in the dark, should we not just turn the the light on. I know, easier said than done.


A few weeks ago I was going through a challenging time. What I was told was that I need to learn to receive. So I started using an affirmation which was " I am the love and forgiveness that brings healing and an open heart". I decided that for me, it didn't matter where this veil to cover my light had come from, I just wanted to lift it. To offer love and forgiveness to anyone or anything that has created that veil is a start. In just a couple of days , I felt so much better and had a different view on things that were happening in my life. 


So I offer you this- remember who you are. You are powerful  and you are loving. And when you succeed in aligning you life with the deepest part of yourself, when you succeed in showing your love and forgiveness, you inspire others to do the same.


And that is a good thing.

People who need people are the luckiest people in the world

Last week end I attended the local Fingerling Festival. This is where the salmon hatchery does a release of hundreds of salmon fingerlings into the inlet which feeds into the ocean. I felt very honored to take part in releasing some of these very small creatures, many of whom may not have made it past the herons that sit and feed on the shore of the inlet. 


But what struck me about this event was the sense of community. There were hundreds of people  who donate their time for dozens of organizations  to keep my community green, safe and viable. It got me thinking how difficult it can be to find that community feeling when living in a large urban area. There are many people who feel lonely, even when they are surrounded by thousands of other people. I started to think about what it takes to make a community and to me it came down to giving and receiving.


We are social beings and feeling connected is important. Sometimes that connection can be as simple as getting together with neighbors or even saying hello to someone walking down the street. It can be more involved and include volunteering or making an effort to recycle. But as important as it is to give, I think we also need to feel we are receiving. We receive when we notice the natural beauty of where we live, when we feel supported by friends and neighbors and when celebrate the various roles we all play in our communities.


Ask yourself how do you give, but more importantly, how can you receive from your own community.


People who need people are very lucky indeed.

Finding Passion

When I say finding passion, I am not referring to the romantic kind. I am referring to that which makes your heart sing. Although I do think the two are connected.

I recently realized my passion was yoga- not doing  headstands and handstands, but the bigger picture of posture, breathing, meditation, yamas, niyamas and more. It is a way of life, a way to realize awareness of the mystery. Having embraced this passion, I find my desire for the romantic passion that has burned in me since I can remember has dwindled from a roaring fire to a gently burning candle. Both can create light, but the fire that was burning consumed too much fuel, to much energy and was likely so hot that no one wanted to get near for fear of being burned. A candle still has the ability to cause a spark, but all I need do is check that the flame has not been extinguished and I am able to devote more of my energy to other areas of my life that are calling to me now.


 I want to bring yoga into the lives of my friends, coworkers, strangers- anyone who is willing to step on the mat and see what yoga can do for them. I want to use my 25 years of nursing experience to create a wellness coaching business and bring my knowledge of spritual healing into the lives of those who have not been able to get well through traditional western methods eg pills!

So how does this connect with romantic passion you ask? I have been both the recipient as well as the creator of a "needy" relationship. I believe my neediness was the result of trying to make someone else my passion. It doesn't work, it scares people away . I know as I have felt it from others. However, I believe that when two people who are passionate about something come together, that neediness does not take over and they can enjoy each others's euthusiam for what makes their heart sing while feeling fulfilled with their own interests. And that makes a relationship that is much more likely to succed in the long term.

How will I know if I am right? I don't, I just have faith that my path is taking me in a new direction and I just never know who I will meet along the way. In the meantime, I have so much to do!
                                          

                                                   

Aparigraha Yama

Aparigraha is one of the 5 yamas of Patanjali, which can be described as ethical rules within yoga. Aparigraha means greedlessness or non grasping and limiting possessions to what is necessary. I chose this Yama as the topic of my essay for yoga teacher training and I did so because I want to confront the  "wanting" I have in my life.

This evening I made and served dinner at a local church where there is a homeless program for  people who find themselves without the means to put a roof over their head. As I served the dinner, I overheard a conversation with a man who had become homeless yesterday and who has battled with alcohol addiction. When I left my home for the evening to help out with this volunteer shift, all I could think about was wanting to receive an email from someone from my past to whom I had said things that made me feel quite vulnerable. After hearing this man's story, I realized how petty that all seemed in the whole scheme of things and suddenly getting a response did not seem all that important.

We are here to give and receive. Sometimes when we give, we don't receive something right away. Sometimes we receive things without having given anything. When I look deeper, I see I can give my mom the time and space she needs to vent without needing to receive anything in return. I can give of my time to volunteer more often. I can give a smile to a stranger and  I have the choice to give love anytime. I can receive a compliment with graciousness. I can receive a pat on the back from my boss. I can receive friendship and kindness. I can receive and trust my inner wisdom in order to make to the best decision.

Giving and receving are like teaching and learning- they go hand in hand and one can not exist without the other. So let us learn to receive with grace and let us teach how to give whatever we can in the moment that may serve a higher purpose.

Namaste

Vulnerability

To be vulnerable requires trust, not just in others, but in ourselves. It is said that true intimacy can not happen without vulnerability, yet our vulnerableness is often something we guard the most. 
Being vulnerable requires one to first be honest with themself and then to be able to voice what we are feeling to another. It requires courage- we may not get the reponse we want or may not get a response at all.
But speaking from our heart allows an openess to the ability to face our fears head on. And once released, we no longer need to hold on to them ever again. It is scary at first, but a sense of freedom replaces the fear once the words are spoken or written.
And we are then one step closer to the initmacy that we long for.

Yoga

I just returned from a yoga retreat to kick off my 2 month yoga teacher training program. We had some discussion about what yoga means and how it shows up in our lives- and where in our lives would we like it to show up more. For many in the west who practice yoga, this may seem like a strange question as many chose yoga purely for the physical aspect. But yoga is so much more.

 The physical movement that many associate with yoga does a diservice to yoga as a way of life. Yoga shows up in our lives as community, wellness, passion, spirituality, fun, love and so much more. Yoga is about being aware of not just what our bodies can do, but how our thoughts work and how we can discover the mystery within. Yoga is one small part of being in touch with all the surrounds us in the now. The challenge is to take what we learn on the mat into our lives off the mat. It's easy to come to a class and centre for 90 minutes, but can we take that calm groundedness out into traffic, to our relationships with loved ones and with our coworkers?

You don't have to be able to do backbends and headstands in order to enjoy the benefits of yoga. You just have to be willing to open to the possibilities.

Today was day one of classroom sessions and it has been quite fascinating to learn more about the history of yoga and the benefit that the poses bring. Today I learned through meditiation how quickly my mind wants to wander- and to the strangest places! My goal for tomorrow is to be more centered and able to keep my mind focused for more than the count of three. I also learned that no matter how many times I have heard an instructor gives cues for a pose, it is a whole different story to be on the teaching side.

Well, afterall, that is what I am there for.

Turned on or tuned out

I ride public transport to work five days a week. I have a "bus" friend who I chat with for most of my journey. I have had some amazing moments where I connected  with someone for a few stops. But mostly what I find is that people have "tuned " out to this type of connection. Most have ear buds in with music blaring so loudly that my past training in hearing testing makes me cringe at what they are doing to their hearing cells.


But worse than that I fear what is happening to our ability to connect to one another. I was speaking to a coworker the other day who reminded me that in the past, people used to not need  internet dating sites- they would meet on the bus, planes, trains and other public places. But if everybody is wandering around with their sense of hearing occluded, what does this mean for our ability to care for and be in tune with one another. 


Instead of minimizing our senses, I would like to see us expand them, particularly those that we as a modern society have lost- our sense of wonder, our sense of awe, our intuition and the knowledge that there is so much more out there that we can see, feel, smell taste- and hear.


So while I can't stop others from tuning out, I can do my part to turn on to the world around me- the beautiful sunrise I see as I ride the train over the bridge, the snow covered mountains I see on my way home and the curious eyes of the baby in the stroller beside me on the bus... and to be grateful for the conversations I have with my bus friends that make my commute a little less monotonous and my journey that much more fulfilling.

Wherever you go, there you are

We have all heard the saying "the grass always seems greener on the other side". What makes us think that if we "go" to the other side of the hill that things will be any different?

Wherever we are, in whatever suituation we find ourselves, the only constant is ourselves- what we feel, think and whatever our past expereinces bring to the situation. Often we feel that whatever is not working in our lives is external and if only we could change our environment things would be better. We may not like our job, but I am sure we all know someone who changed jobs only to go from the frying pan to the fire so to speak. We can change where we live and create new friendships and relationships- but the personality we pack with us is probably the same one we had when we were in the last town. Many people leave a relationship and enter into a new one without taking time to sort what may not have been working. Often those relationships don't work out, not because we haven't determined all the problems with the other person- we pretty much can list those off easily, but we can not always pin point our own issues that we brought with us.

So we can go from relationship to relationship or from job to job or from town to town, but wherever we go we are there. The only way to change what is happening on the outside is to change our perspective from the inside. It means asking ourselves "what do I bring to this situation that it is not working?" In other words, what patterns are not working that are no longer serving us. Not an easy thing to do, especially for those who are "comfortably numb".

So how to get some insight then? Going inside, into the stillness and silence is a good first step. Take several deep cleansing breaths and ask yourself, what is it that you would like, but don't have? Why do you think you don't have it? What do you have that is good and working? Ask the questions and then listen, for ther answers are there.

Often it takes time to break the old patterns to allow something new to take it's place. Only when we have tended to the garden of our souls will we be able to see the new grass growing where there was once a patch of weeds.

And I dare see it looks much greener too.

Valentines Day is not just for Lovers

On the eve of Valentines Day, I was reminded by my yoga teacher that what is most important in life is being able to give love and being able to receive love. It matters not if the love you give  is to a romantic partner, a friend , a child or a parent.

Modern culture will have us believe  that Valentines Day is only for lovers. But there are so many kinds of love and so many ways to give and receive and there is no one single day for which this giving and receiving has the most significance. Do not let the makers of chocolate and sellers of diamond rings fool you that this day is about love- it is about marketing and money.

I once read something that made me think about romantic relationships. It said that every love story ends in tragedy because very rarely do most lovers die at the same time. Someone is almost always left behind.

I guess what I am trying to say is single or attached, make everday a day in which you give some love away and take some for yourself. And for added measure, try and give some love to someone with whom you find yourself in conflict- I am sure they could use some as well.

After all , the greatest love of all is the ability to love ourselves first and foremost. And if you have a special someone then make everyday a day where you show your love to each other in some small way. In that way you may learn to not take them for granted as you may never know when they will be taken.

Honoring the Seasons

As I walked home from the bus stop the other day, I stopped to notice a beautiful sunset and as I watched the last of the orange- purple colors fade into the night sky, I realized the days were getting longer and that winter had passed by more quickly than I realized

When my kids left home to go to school two years ago, I made myself "busy" all the time. I wasn't ready to be an "empty nester" and I think I was afraid of what I might find if I stopped long enough to catch my breath. What I found is that I was often exhausted and that fatigue often left me on an emotional roller coaster.

This past winter I decided to honor the winter season. I greeted the solstice with an acceptance that nature is much  wiser than me. Oh yes, we have managed to find ways to keep our lights going 24/7 and have created enough distraction through radio, TV  and computers that we can ignore this time of solitude and reflection if we so chose.

But this year, I attempted to find more balance. I stayed in more often and spent time reading by the fireplace. I meditated more and went to bed earlier. Many animals go into a more dormant stage in winter, however our modern society is not in tune with nature. So it was a bit like going against the grain- something I tend to do a lot.

But as I watched as the days grew shorter and shorter, I felt I went inside myself a bit more. I was able to come to terms with some things I had been wrestling with in my mind. I allowed myself time to grieve the loss of a potential relationship and let myself feel the sadness that I would have otherwise swept aside I was went through my busy schedule. The ability to move through my feelings left me with more energy and cleared the way for something else to come forth in its place.

So as the days get longer and I sense the coming of a new season with its call to enjoy the outdoors more, I know that even as much as November, with it's gray skies and promise of the shortest day still to come, is still not my favorite part of the year, it is one for which I have come to feel a sense of fondness. For the cozy nights watching the snow fall outside while I remained warm and safe inside, the  time to rest and rejunevate from a busy summer and for the knowledge of what the changing seasons of nature can bring to my world- if I accept its wisdom.

It's not having what you what- it's wanting what you've got

This line form a Sheryl Crow song speaks to what I have been realizing  in the past couple of days.

I recently have been reflecting on my "divine solitude". I have not been in a relationship since I left my marriage of 20 years. I knew that I would need time before entered into another relationship, but I would have never imagined back then that I would be single almost 5 years later. Not that I haven't met a lot of men during this time. I've had the good fortune to meet  Happy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Doc and even Peter Pan, all courtesy of the fascinating world of Internet dating. But on a more serious note, although none of them was "the one", I love them all for their presence in my life and the lessons I learned from my time with them,

With my extended family 3000 miles away and my kids at school I found myself feeling a bit sorry for myself at times. I think I was trying so hard to find someone to fill the gap that I may have missed the better points about my singleness. I would see my friends and neighbours  busy with activites invloving a close network of family and friends and I would feel sad at the thought that I didn't have what they did. Lately I have heard several of them talk about how overwhelmed they feel with family obligations- birthdays, dinners etc that leave them feeling exhausted and resentful- and that they would trade some of their busyness for some of my freedom.

In my attempts to be more mindful and present, I realized that enjoying this time in my life makes more sense than to try and make something happen- like a relationship with someone who is not the right person for me. There are positive qualities about my aloneness- not to be confused with loneliness. I have the gift of time and stillness that many others seem to yearn for. And for that I am grateful, for in this time of stillness and reflection I have been able to fill the gap that I once thought only a partner could do. It feels like a weight that that I have carried around for most of my life has been lifted.

Not that feelings of loneliness don't creep up on me from time to time. When they do, I focus on my network of friends and the good things I have in my life- my home, my beautiful amazing children, my health and my passion for life. I no longer use the internet to meet men, but rather use my time doing the activities I enjoy, knowing that in doing so I am more likely to meet someone who has the same interests and with whom I have a better chance of having at least a good friendship, if nothing else.

And so I give thanks for what I have - time to reflect, freedom to chose how I spend my free time and best of all- the whole bed to myself!

The Road less Traveled

It feels like my entire life has been along the road less traveled. It can be lonely on that road. Not as many people on it, that's for sure.

But what I do find is that when I do meet someone on that same path, it is like meeting an old friend. They understand me and I them.

Some of us have taken this road without really understanding why or how we found ourselves on it. We are the seekers, those who are not content with what we preceive thorugh the five senses, but know there is more. We are restless and feel the need to travel, not to the far ends of the earth, but to the depths of consciousness.

And although at times I find it very difficult to be on this road, I am starting to understand that this seemingly unexplained need to be on this less traveled path is a gift- one that has, as Robert Frost so eloquently put, made all the difference.

Speak your truth quietly

The other day I lost it on someone. Not horribly, but I said some things that were likely hurtful to the other person. I can't remember the last time I spoke that way and later felt that it wasn't acting in a very spiritual manner. I felt quite badly about the whole situation.

When I had some time to think about what had happened I realize that I had let a bunch of things build up without dealing with them and when it finally all came it- well, it wasn't pretty.

Communicating our thoughts and feelings in the moment can avoid this kind of scenario. A simple formula to let someone know what you are feeling is to simply to say "when you (state observed behavior) I feel ( insert feeling). For example, "when you say you don't trust me I feel hurt". Communication requires a receiver and a sender and so much can be misinterpreted on the way from one to the other. It is said that only 7% of communication is accomplished with words. The rest is through tone and body language. Receiving a message can be affected by past experience, and the "story" we might be making up because we may not have all the facts. Getting clear by asking "what do you mean by that" can avoid a lot of grief down the road.

In my case I had not been as curious with someone who was very persistent. I did apologize and my lesson was that even though I learned to finally stand my ground with the person, it probably would have been better to take some time before I responded.

And what was really amazing was that I recognized a part of me that I had not liked about this other person. It was like looking in the mirror.

Someone once said " people will forget what you said and what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel".

So speak your truth quietly and clearly -and may you be remembered with love.

The Iceberg Beneath the Surface

The other day someone made a comment to me about another person they did not know well, saying they thought this person was "mean- spirited". I asked if this so call mean person had actually done anything mean. My friend said no, "but he just seems so unfriendly". I suggested there could be many reasons why this person may not have been very friendly- he could be shy and reserved or maybe he was sad. As I observed this person she referred to, I have to say I did not see what she saw at all. I saw someone who did not smile or talk much, but he certainly did not seem to be the ogre she made him out to be.

We all present an image to others and none of us will ever know all there is to another person's life and why the act the way they do. It is like an iceberg.



What you see is just a fraction of what lies underneath. We have no idea of the challenges, joys and experiences of another's life, particularly when we do not know them well. I find that often people who do not seem very friendly are actually shy. To label someone as being mean when they have not done anything untoward - well, I think that is rather sad.

I heard a phrase once that seems to sum this all up. It goes "people don't behave the way they should, they behave the way they do". What this means is, people do not act in accordance to how we think they "should" act. We have our own perception of life which is almost always different from anyone else. And that's a good thing because sometimes those who have a differing view of things actually come into our lives to teach us something.

So next time you come across someone who does not seem to be very happy or friendly, give them a smile and remember that we know not what cross they bear on any particular day. All we can know is that anything someone says or does comes from a place of love or is a call for love.

And so send them some love and and silently ask them to forgive you for not understanding their behavior.

And see what happens.

A Recovering Catholic

We were taught that
To love ourself was vain
So we learned to hide
Our brilliance, our light
When we came to another to say
I love you
How could that be true?
For to truly love another
We must first love ourself
So say to yourself
I love you
I am worthy
For only then
Will you allow
The best of everything
To enter your life

Although I grew up Catholic, I do not consider myself a religious person, nor have a practiced this religion since my teenage years.

 Religion has been at the core of more wars, brutallity, prejudice and negative energy than almost anything else. Countless people died, were tortured, or burned alive over their beliefs.  Religion has and continues to use fear to keep the masses from learning the truth about Divinity- the Divinity that exisits in all of us as a reflection of God's love.

 I  was taught from day one that I was a "sinner". The focus from the church was on everything possible that I had done wrong which I was then required to  "confess" on a weekly basis- starting at the age of six!. Between you and me, most of the time I made something up. I mean, I couldn't very well go into the confessional with nothing to report back on, telling the priest that actually I had been a pretty OK person that week. That would not have been on at all.

What chance then, did I ever have to stand in front of a mirror and truly say to myself "I love you". And can you not see how that belief about myself needed to be in place before I could stand in front of another and say the very same words.

Religion is about power and fear - spirituality is way to find our way back to our divine selves. For many years after leaving the church, I closed the door to my spiritual side. I think deep down in my soul I knew the things I was being taught were not serving me, however I did not know what to replace that with. My years studying martial arts and more recently my yoga practice have opened up a new way to foster my spirituality in ways that serve not only me, but all those who come into my life. I am much more compassionate and forgiving now than ever before. It was not religion that taught me these things, it was rather the move away from religion  that led me to a being a more loving person.

Needless to say, on my journey from fear to love, I have learned to forgive those who thought they were doing right by me- my parents, the church, my teachers.  In doing so, I have removed the barriers that have kept me from knowing of this love which has existed in me all along.

And I can now look in the mirror with confidence and joy say those three little words.

I love you.

A Prayer for Guidance

Sweet angels
Guide me home
To that place
Where there is
No fear
No doubt
Remove any obstacles
That block my heart
From receiving
The Divine Love
That is inherent in me
Allow my true soul to emerge
By helping me to let go
Of what no longer serves me
Help me
To "be"
rather than to "do"
Quiet my mind
So that my heart can speak
And let my light shine
Where there is darkness

Soul and Spirit

Soul yearns for connection
Spirit matures in solitude
The ache in the heart
Reflects the struggle for balance of
Soul and spirit
One pulls  toward the burden of attachment and the past
The other towards the search for
Higher conciousness and meaning
And so do not be surprised or mystified my friend
If you feel this melancholy in yourself
For it is your soul desiring expression
While your spirit longs for freedom
Both bring a uniqueness to each of us
As we personify the transendance between
Heaven and earth

Tears for fears

Sadness was a veil that
Covered my light
Then slowly but surely
The world just opened up
I could feel
I could see
Comfortable numbness to conscious awareness
Tears washed away the pain
Until one day
I caught myself smiling
For no particular reason
Except to know my light was shining once again

Tears wash away grief  and for the most part our tears come from a sense of loss we have no control over. However, sometimes our tears come from a place of concsiously letting go.

Some of the patterns and thoughts we develop over our lifetime may not be very positive and as we awaken to this awareness, it can feel like we are not sure what might work in their place. They are like a pair of old slippers that we know we must throw out, but there are so darn comfortable. What if there isn't  another pair to replace them- then what?

In these moments, we are moving to a different level and the response may be some confusion and even teariness. It's scary to realize you have to find a new way to approach that which has not served you, especially if a particular pattern is a long standing.

Peeling back another layer of ourselves can be a painful process where the release of tears can be very therapeutic. The good news is that once we have grieved a part of ourselves to the darkness, we see the light. One the other hand,  there is no ending to the number of layers there are to peel. However, it does get easier to recognize when you are "molting" and the tears become a way to find your smile again.

Beauty and the Beast

In every situation we have the choice to proceed with one of two emotions- fear and it's accomplice doubt or love and its friend trust. The choice we make will either bring us to a place of peace ( beauty) or confusion ( the beast).

Many of us approach decisions with questions such as "what if I am not successful" or "is this the right choice for me"? These are questions that are learned from well meaning parents, teachers and life experiences that perpetuate the fear cycle - fear that we are not good enough, that we are not liked or that we are not successful.

But what if we turned things around and approached our most difficult decisions with love and trust. What if we told ourselves "I can do this", "I will land on my feet" or "whatever happens I will learn from this".

The choice we make will often depend on how we feel about ourselves and our worthiness to have good things happen. Hint: we are all worthy to receive the best things life has to offer! A daily affirmation to this effect can help change the tendency to doubt to one of trust.

"I love and trust myself and therfore I am worthy to receive all the best things life has to offer"

Which do you chose- Beauty or the Beast?

Child of the Universe

"You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should."

This excerpt from the poem "Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann always gives me a sense of peace when I am feeling down or hurt by something something someone has said or done. In fact the entire poem makes me feel more serene after I read it.

I think it is the part about having the right to be here that nails it for me. What it says to me is that sometimes when someone has acted out of a call for love rather than from a place of love, we can feel diminished. or confused. This line reminds me that I have just as much right to offer love rather than respond to a call for love. And in that moment I know I can forgive someone who has forgotten that their right to be here also gives them a choice to act from a place of love or a place of fear. I can feel compassion for those who have acted in fear as that is my choice as a child of the universe.

If we understand that we do not always have control over the events of our everyday life, and accept what comes our way, we have understood that the unfolding of the universe gives us opportunity after opportunity to learn from our lessons. Lessons we will continue to receive time and time again until we understand what they are trying to teach us.

Balance

It is the end of a busy week and I look forward to some rest and relaxation on the week-end. Ever notice how some people try to out do each other with tales of their "busyness"? And that if in the conversation you said you took one day and really did not do much of anything what the response would be? Gasp!

Scheduling down time into our week is as important as taking the time to exercise, prepare food and do chores. We live in a busy, noisy world and taking time at least one day a week to read, walk, do the crosswords or maybe catch up with a friend are good ways to find some balance. We should be boasting about the time we take to care for ourselves, not hiding it!

When I was younger and was busy with my young family, working and going to school, my mom always used to tell me to slow down. I didn't feel that I could and it took a toll on me. I got sick more often and I was unhappy. Now I know what she meant and I see it in others and I see my old self. Makes me sad for those who are caught up in the whirlwind, but glad that I was able to step back and make some changes.

Don't wait until you are sick or feeling down before you schedule some fun in your life. Take a moment to observe the natural playfulness of a  young child and try to re-discover that part of yourself again.

Have some fun!

Being Present

I have two adult children who are going to school away from home, both for the second year. Both have just returned to their respective homes after the Christmas vacation.

Last night my daughter called saying she felt lonely and she wanted to quit the semester and come home. Her room mate was not back yet and she had returned to an empty apartment after two weeks of constant socializing.  My advice to her was that she needs to learn to be comfortable on her own and to honor that time. Soon enough she will be finished her term and will likely be sad at the thought of leaving! Her reply was that decided to enjoy the rest of the time she had at  school- and that she knew I would know the right thing to say!

I next texted my son to ask him how it felt to be back in class. He said it was like he never left and I asked him what he meant by that. He replied that he liked being back, but missed home too and didn't know where he wanted to be. I told him the only place he needs to "be" right now is in the present. He agreed.

So often we miss some of the best parts of our lives by not being present.  It is kind of presumptive  to be  attached to future plans. I mean, who are we to think we know where we will be or what circumstances may come into our lives, good bad or ugly. Being in the present can also be good, bad or ugly. It can feel lonely, or it can feel like the time of our life. If our present is not to our liking, it is an opportunity to ask ourself what it is we can do to change things to make it better. If our present is awesome, we can first be grateful and then we can ask ourself what I did to get here and how can I have more of this!

Making plans is not a bad thing, however being attached to their outcomes can lead to a lot of grief if things don't go our way. There is a saying that if a tree is too rigid and a strong wind blows, the tree will snap. However if the tree is flexible, it will bend in the direction of the wind, and will remain in one piece.

So as I think about both conversations, I learned that even though I really miss their presence in my everyday life it was great idea for both kids to go away to school for they are learning lessons some people never have the opportunity to experience.

 And as I continue to guide and nurture my children, I realize that I am also nurturing my own inner child.  I remind myself that I too must try to stay aware of moments when I am tempted to stray to the future or past and miss my own presence.

Breath to stillness

When we are stressed our breath often becomes more shallow. Being aware of these moments, we can learn to deepen the breath as a way out of the storm and into the calm. It seems so simple, yet so we often forget this very basic force that is always there for us. Put notes around you home and work place as reminder to "breathe". Taking 10 deep breaths allows your emotions to settle and clears your head so you can make healthy choices about how to respond. You can breath while you are stuck in traffic, while you are in the line up at the grocery store or when you are working on a project and need a break. Clearing the negative energy with deep breathing can lead to new perspective in a stressful moment.

Breathing- as simple as 1,2,3.

Aaaaah!

Journal to Ah-ha

When one is going through their dark night of the soul, many emotions, thoughts and feelings can come bubbling up, leaving one feeling confused and alone. One way to sort through these emotions is to journal. There are no rules. Some people like to have a topic to focus on while others just start writing whatever comes to their head . I say try both! I like to journal with an old fashion notebook and pen, but typing notes in Word works too. Just start getting it all out. If you are like me and keep things inside for fear of hurting someone, then writing is a perfect way to let go of those thoughts. I am often surprised at what comes out when I write with no purpose other than to put all my crazy, jumbled, brain-rats thoughts on paper. And sometimes, not always, there is that Ah-ha! moment. That moment when something that has been a burning issue suddenly becomes oh so clear. You sit back , look at what you have written and realize what a long way you have come and how much wiser you are.

Kinda makes you want to keep writing, doesn't it?

The Joy of Silence

A lot has been written about the fact that many people are not living authentic lives. The chatter in our minds and the negative patterns we have learned do not enhance out ability to move from fear to love. What does seem to be missing in the readings out there are some practical ways one can enhance this awareness and start to make the changes that lead us out of the darkness and into the light.

One very simple way to start is to set about 30 minutes each day to sit quietly and breath.  The start of the day is the best time for this as it sets the tone for how the rest of your day will go. For me, that means setting the alarm at 5:30 am instead of 6. Some people say that when you sit and talk it is calling praying and when you sit and listen it is called meditating. It doesn't really matter what you call it, just do it! It can be difficult at first to try and quiet the mind when you are not used to sitting in silence, but you can always just come back to your breath.There is no right or wrong way to find the silence- just your way. This is your time. Time to decide how you want your day to go. Time to ask for help for a problem you are having. Time to set your intention for the day. And then time to sit and listen- listen to your heart, to your inner voice. So often, our inner voice tries to speak to us, but we don't listen. There is too much noise in our world and we have forgotten that we have the answers we are looking for. Silence allows you to come back to your truth.

Imagine if everyone on the planet took 30 minutes at the start of their day to set an intention to approach their day with  understanding and compassion, not only for others, but for themselves. What a different world it would be!

Happy New Year

New Years Prayer

May you know that everything someone says or does comes from either love or a call for love

May the two most important things you remember each morning as you start your day are gratitude and forgiveness

May you see those moments that don’t go your way as some of the best opportunities to learn to be in the present

May you have the courage to shine your light where it is dark

May you take a moment each day to see a miracle- a sunrise, a sunset, the budding of a new spring flower, a baby’s smile

May you be the first person to say hi to a stranger as you walk by

May you turn off the news and turn on to your passion

May you take 30 minutes everyday to sit quietly and go within to hear the answers you seek

May 2012 bring you opportunities to live your life to its fullest potential